The Dating Game

FIRST COMES LOVE... 

Choosing a spouse is one of the most important things you will ever do. It will shape who you become, and the future of your family. It is not a decision to be taken lightly.

President Thomas S. Monson  said, "Decisions determine destiny. That is why it is worthwhile to look ahead, to set a course, to be at least partly ready when the moment of decision comes."

So how do we date? Who do we date? and how do when know when it's the "right one?" 

Dating is more than "hanging out". There must be more effort than a casual hook up with friends to go bowling or watch the latest movie.  According to the text in Successful Marriages and Families,  "One of the biggest changes in the current young adult culture is the disappearance of dating." 

Physically ask people out on a date. Plan it. Pay for it. Invest in it. 

Are you looking for "the One" or your "Soul Mate?" The person that will ultimately be your perfect match and sweep you off your feet into happily ever afterness? You may be waiting a long time. 

Instead of focusing on finding the right one- focus on becoming the right one. One key aspect of dating is becoming a person that would make a good partner.  Rather than making a list of what you are looking for, make a list of qualities you should work on to become a great spouse. 

I have a firm belief that two people who are dedicated to one another, with similar backgrounds and morals- can have a successful marriage and work towards being "eternal companions" rather than temporary "soul mates." 

The ABC's of Dating.

• A. Awareness of... or Acquaintance- This is being aware that there is a person that you are interested in getting to know better. You've seen her, across the room, she has a sparkle in her eye and your palms get sweaty when you hear her infectious laugh. Time to go introduce yourself! 

• B. Buildup of the relationship-  Ask her out and start getting to know each other. 

Does she like mustard on her Subway sandwich? 

Does she bite her fingernails? 

How many siblings does she have?

Is she a camping kind of girl or does she prefer a manicure? 

What's his favorite candy bar? 

Does he sing loudly in the car? 

Does he shower everyday? 

Is he dedicated to his family? 

This is the time to really get to know each other. You should see each other in a variety of different circumstances and situations.

"True Love is a process. True love requires personal action. Love must be continuing to be real. Love takes time. Too often expediency, infatuation, stimulation, persuasion, or lust are mistaken for love. How hollow, how empty if our love is no deeper than the arousal of momentary feeling or the expression in words of what is no more lasting than the time it takes to speak them." Elder Marvin J. Ashton

• C. Continuation following Commitment- This is continuing the relationship. Is this a relationship that you want to stay in? Is it healthy? Do you find yourself becoming a better person because of this relationship? If so, than the continuation of the relationship should lead to marriage and an eternal celestial marriage. If not, then the relationship should move to ...

• D. Deterioration or Decline-  Breaking up is hard to do! There are several reasons to get out of a relationship. If there are communication or trust issues that you can't seem to work through, if you find yourself continually dragging a person up rather than both of you helping each other when needed. Is there a lack of love? Have you received spiritual confirmation? 

In my own personal experience- I did not clearly understand what the spirit was telling me to do. When I asked the Lord if the person that proposed was the right person for me, my answer was "You can do this, but it will be hard."  I pressed forward not questioning why or how hard it would be. I should have counseled with the Lord for more understanding, instead of eagerly acknowledging what I wanted. 

• E. Ending of relationship- Once you have confirmation that this person is not the right one for you... end it. The sooner the better. There is no reason to drag it out. This will just cause more confusion and heartache for both of you. Pray for guidance. Be clear, don't cave to coersion and realize that although unintentional, the other person will hurt- but they will also heal and move on. 

"If one initiates or goes through a break-up with as much Christlike behavior and feelings as possible, and allows oneself to be healed by the peace of the Spirit, that person is then better prepared to move on to a relationship that can result in eternal marriage."